I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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