absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
