it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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