Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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