Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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