Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
