White coat. Heels.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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