Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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