This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My vagina just clenched in fear
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
