dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Swine flu is the new snow day.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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