We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i think my cat just said my name.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
