my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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