I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize