Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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