Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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