her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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