She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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