i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My pussy is not your playground.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm like, not good at living.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
