somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
