lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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