What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
