so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
