wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
