This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
