Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
