I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
