I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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