Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You need a sexual gate keeper
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
