i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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