how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
