dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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