I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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