I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
