Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
