There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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