Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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