in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
