Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
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beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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