You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
tell me about the eggs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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