Cold hands, warm shart.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
