I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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