You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
