when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
