Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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