My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
