I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
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i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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