i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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