Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
