ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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