hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
