i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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