I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
