Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
