Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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