like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've blown a few things in my day
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
