tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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