I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
