I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
