Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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