I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
