She is in my trunk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Randomize
