I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
