oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
