I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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