9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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