please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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