Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
