shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
