if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.